Nation Turns 250 Before Finishing Saying ‘Semiquincentennial’
An estimated 61.3 percent of attempts to pronounce the seven-syllable word, many begun on Jan. 1, were still in progress when the anniversary passed, most of them stalled on the ‘quin.’
Fourth of July
Man Wins Argument at Cookout, Loses Cookout
Walt Brosky correctly established at 3:14 p.m. that most delegates signed the Declaration on Aug. 2, and by 3:40 p.m. the cookout, the grill, and 19 guests had relocated without him.
Nation’s Grill Owners Report Record Confidence, Zero Steaks Cooked Correctly
A holiday survey of 6,114 households found 97.4 percent of grill owners rate their steak as ’excellent,’ against a measured correctness rate of 0.0 percent, plus or minus 0.4 steaks.
Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich, and Have You Been Contacted About It?
Ahead of the Fourth of July weekend, the Reporter asked residents whether a hot dog is a sandwich, and whether anyone has reached out to them regarding their position.