ARLINGTON, Va. — The Department of War has relieved 3,100 office chairs of command following an internal review that found them to be woke, according to a department official reached by phone Tuesday, who said the chairs had been removed from service “in an orderly fashion, which is more than they deserved.”
The department, which has used “Department of War” as a secondary name since a September 2025 executive order, has made eliminating what its leadership calls “woke” culture a central priority. In a speech to senior commanders at Marine Corps Base Quantico that month, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth promoted the department’s new name and criticized what he described as a woke culture in the ranks. In February, the department ordered an end to sending its personnel to several elite universities beginning with the 2026-27 academic year.
The chair review was conducted over 11 weeks by the department’s Office of Woke Detection and Furniture Readiness, which evaluated 23,400 chairs against a 19-point rubric. Chairs were flagged for reclining (“a chair that leans back has already retreated”), for lumbar support (“support is for people who need it”), for armrests (“arms belong to warriors”), and for mesh backs, which the rubric says “can be seen through, and know it.”
“The swivel was the big one,” said Lt. Col. (ret.) Dale Hoskett, the office’s director, by phone from what he described as a hallway with no chairs in it. “You’ve got a chair that turns 360 degrees. It looks at every side of every issue. A chair that agrees with everybody isn’t standing for anything. It’s sitting for everything.”
The 3,100 chairs were relieved at a 5 a.m. ceremony in a Pentagon courtyard on July 21, where each had a small brass rank insignia removed from its backrest. Fourteen chairs filed appeals, which were heard by a panel standing. Thirteen appeals were denied. The 14th chair, a steel folding chair manufactured in 1987 that does not recline, swivel, or support anything, was found to have been “lethal the entire time” and was promoted to colonel. It now sits at the head of a conference table, where staff stand around it during meetings and are not permitted to make eye contact.
Since the ceremony, the review has expanded. Hoskett said the office has since flagged the color beige (“noncommittal”), round tables (“no head of the table, no chain of command”), decaffeinated coffee, the word “please” in internal email, throw pillows found in two offices, and a stairwell handrail, which he said was “for people who want help.”
Dr. Chad Brickhouse, a senior fellow at the Institute for Common Sense, said the department was right to start with furniture. “You can’t change a culture if the culture is cushioned,” Brickhouse said by phone from a bowling alley. “It’s just common sense. Show me a man in a good chair and I’ll show you a man who isn’t going to get up.”
Personnel displaced by the review now work at what the department calls “warrior stations,” which are boxes. Hoskett said the boxes had passed review because they “don’t do anything,” but added that the office has received a complaint that one of them was “being comfortable” and has opened an inquiry.
Hoskett said the review panel itself would meet next week, standing, to determine whether the review had been woke, since it had, at several points, “listened.”
Glenn Whitacre filed this report by phone from a rental car whose heated seats he said he has been advised not to discuss.