PELL JUNCTION, Mo. — Pell Junction resident Walt Brosky won an argument at a Fourth of July cookout Saturday afternoon and then lost the cookout, which departed his neighbor’s backyard over a period of 26 minutes and re-formed three houses down the street without him, according to guests and a timeline assembled by the host.
The argument began at 2:51 p.m., when Brosky, 63, overheard a guest remark that the Declaration of Independence had been signed on July 4, 1776. Brosky, who was wearing one of his 212 flag shirts, said that while the document was adopted on July 4, most of the delegates signed it on Aug. 2. He was correct. He then continued to be correct for 23 minutes, during which he cited three books, a museum placard he had photographed in 2011, and a printout he keeps in his wallet for this purpose.
At 3:14 p.m., the guest, Dennis Kroll, 58, conceded the point. Witnesses said Brosky then asked Kroll to repeat the concession “for the people by the cooler,” and Kroll did.
“I was right. I have the printout. I would also like to know where everybody went,” Brosky said Sunday.
According to the host, Sherry Whitfield, 55, the first guests left the conversation at 3:16 p.m., followed by the potato salad at 3:19 p.m. and the cornhole boards at 3:22 p.m. By 3:31 p.m., the grill had been disconnected and carried off by four men who did not explain themselves, and the picnic table, two coolers, a canopy tent, and 19 guests had followed it to the yard of Ed and Lorna Pasko, at the end of the block. At 3:40 p.m., the cookout was formally reconvened there. Whitfield said the lawn in her own backyard was found the next morning to have moved approximately 11 feet toward the Pasko residence and has not returned. Brosky, who was still holding a paper plate with one deviled egg on it, said the backyard “felt different” after the cookout left, “like the air had gone with it.”
Patricia Vane, lead analyst at the Bureau of Domestic Temperature Affairs, said the outcome was consistent with established patterns in backyard disputes, in which the side that wins the argument almost always loses the territory.
“A cookout is not a debate. It is a sovereign gathering, and its population can withdraw recognition at any time,” Vane said. “Mr. Brosky secured a complete victory on the question of the signing date. He did so at the cost of the grill, the side dishes, and the general population. Historically, that is a very common trade.” Vane said the bureau has sent an observer to the Pasko yard to monitor the situation. The observer was handed a bratwurst and has not filed a report.
Whitfield said Brosky remains welcome at future gatherings, and that he has been invited to the neighborhood’s Labor Day cookout on two conditions: that he bring ice, and that he be wrong about something, of his choosing, by 2 p.m.
Brosky said he would consider the offer. He added that Labor Day was established as a federal holiday in 1894, and that he had a printout.