LINDEN HOLLOW, Ohio — Local father Doug Feeney declared the household thermostat “not a democracy” Sunday evening and then lost a vote on the matter 4-1, ending a 19-minute session of the Feeney family’s informal legislature with the thermostat set to 72 degrees over his objection.
The vote was called by Feeney’s daughter, Kaylee, 15, immediately after his declaration, which was made from the upstairs hallway at 7:42 p.m. All five members of the household were present, establishing a quorum. The family dog was also present but was not recognized by the chair. Feeney’s wife, Andrea, voted with the majority, as did the couple’s two sons, one of whom later said he had not understood the question but “wanted to be part of something.”
“This house is not a democracy. I pay for the heat,” Feeney said before the vote, according to minutes recorded by Kaylee on the back of a pizza coupon. After the result was announced, he added, “That vote doesn’t count, because it’s not a democracy, which is why I’m calling for a recount.”
The recount, held at 7:51 p.m., affirmed the original result 4-1. A motion to reconsider failed by the same margin at 7:55 p.m., followed by a motion to declare the vote unconstitutional, which prompted the household to draft and ratify a constitution. The document, 11 articles long and written on the reverse of a school permission slip, designates the thermostat as common property and establishes a bicameral system in which the upstairs and downstairs vote separately. Feeney then held the floor for six hours and 14 minutes reading aloud from the furnace manual, during which three members of the majority went to bed. At 2:09 a.m., Feeney announced the secession of the master bedroom, which has since been formally recognized by two neighboring households and the Linden Hollow Youth Soccer Association.
Patricia Vane, lead analyst at the Bureau of Domestic Temperature Affairs, said the Feeney household’s situation is “consistent with what we’re seeing nationwide.”
“Historically, the thermostat has been governed by a single executive, usually whoever knows where the furnace filter is,” Vane said. “We are now seeing a transition to representative government in about 40 percent of households, and in most cases the executive does not learn about it until he loses a vote.” Vane said the bureau has deployed two monitors to the Feeney home to observe the ceasefire and that both requested sweaters within an hour.
Andrea Feeney said the family respected her husband’s position and had invited him to submit his concerns in writing. He had done so, she said, on the thermostat itself, in pencil.
Feeney told reporters Monday that he respected the outcome and would abide by it. At press time, bureau monitors had confirmed that the thermostat in the Feeney home’s main hallway was set to 72 degrees and had been covered with a small piece of masking tape, under which it was set to 66.