Man Who Says Foreign Countries Pay the Tariffs Leaves 18 Percent Tip on the Tariffs
Dwight Ankeny, 62, says the extra $1,140 he paid for a riding mower was ‘China’s money,’ and that he added a gratuity because ’they’ve been very good about it.’
Continental Press Service
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Supporters Confident Nobel Committee Will Finally Recognize President for Ending 74 Wars, Including the War of 1812
Ahead of Friday’s Peace Prize announcement, an advocacy group released an updated count of conflicts resolved, several of which ended before the President was born and one of which had not yet started.
Continental Press Service ·
Man Who Has Not Discovered Anything Spends Fourth Straight Day of Nobel Week Waiting by Phone
With four prizes announced and two remaining, Gary Tunstall, 61, said he is now focusing his hopes on economics, citing ’extremely strong views on the price of a sandwich.'
Continental Press Service ·
Samsung’s 107.4 Trillion Won Quarterly Profit Too Large to Store on Any Device Except Samsung’s
The record figure, driven by demand for AI memory chips, now occupies 11 data centers and must be backed up nightly to a second, slightly smaller profit.
Continental Press Service ·
Department of War Abolishes All Hours After 5 a.m. as Insufficiently Lethal; Pentagon Has Now Been at Dawn for Six Straight Days
Following last week’s early-morning workout with 600 troops, the department says it has eliminated noon, the afternoon, and ‘whatever 3 p.m. thinks it is,’ and that the sun has been notified.
Continental Press Service ·
Man Who Says He Never Watches the News Cites Eleven Hours of It
Dale Pruett, 58, said he gets his information from real people, then summarized a weekend panel, two evening segments, and a call-in program he identified by the host’s first name.
Continental Press Service ·
Local Man Who Does His Own Research Completes Research, Is Furious With Result
After 14 months, 212 forum posts, and a 600-page binder, Randall Kemper concluded that County Road J was resurfaced by the county.
Continental Press Service ·
Fall Arrives on Schedule, Finds Pumpkin Spice Has Been Sitting in Its Chair Since August
The season, which began at 8:06 p.m. Eastern time Tuesday, arrived 28 days after the Pumpkin Spice Latte and has asked to speak with whoever is in charge of the calendar.
Continental Press Service ·
NFL Plays First Game in Australia; Crowd of 100,021 Returns Next Morning for Day Two
Melbourne Cricket Ground officials said roughly 41,000 spectators accustomed to matches lasting five days were back in their seats at 10:30 a.m. Saturday with sandwiches and a thermos, waiting for the second innings.
Continental Press Service ·
Supporters Say 250-Foot Triumphal Arch Will Be So Triumphant That Anyone Who Walks Under It Will Be Credited With Winning Something
With excavation announced to begin within two weeks, a supporters’ group has published a list of 1,400 victories visitors may receive, including ’the argument from Thanksgiving’ and a 1994 high school track meet.
Continental Press Service ·
Neighborhood Watch Spots Suspicious Activity, Is the Activity Of Neighborhood Watch
The Prairie Lane Neighborhood Watch has logged 61 reports since July of people moving slowly through the neighborhood after dark with flashlights, all 61 of which were the Prairie Lane Neighborhood Watch.
Continental Press Service ·
NASA Telescope Launches Eight Months Early, Catches Universe Before It Was Ready
The Roman Space Telescope can see roughly 100 times as much sky at once as Hubble’s infrared camera, and about 1 billion galaxies have asked for a few more minutes.
Continental Press Service ·
County Fair Disqualifies Butter Sculpture of Last Year’s Butter Sculpture, Citing ‘Butter Recursion’
The Sauer County Fair Board voted 5-2 to bar the entry, which now sits in a 38-degree cooler alongside six smaller sculptures, each depicting the one before it.
Continental Press Service ·
Prologis Agrees to Buy Segro for $18.8 Billion, Will Keep It Shrink-Wrapped on a Pallet Until 2027
The only warehouses large enough to hold Europe’s leading owner of warehouses belong to Europe’s leading owner of warehouses, analysts said, and it has agreed to be kept in one of them.
Continental Press Service ·
Spider-Man Opening Weekend Revised Upward From $355 Million to $360 Million, and From Three Days to Four
Monday’s actual figures pushed the film past the all-time opening record by $2.9 million and, according to box office trackers, pushed the weekend past Sunday by about 31 hours.
Continental Press Service ·
Supporters Say 50 Percent Tariff on Canadian Hockey Sticks Has Retroactively Won the Nation Every Hockey Game Since 1930
The duty, imposed under a 96-year-old trade law that had never before been used, is being credited by an advocacy group with reversing 11,400 results, including several games the United States was not in.
Continental Press Service ·
Wimbledon Strawberry Seeded No. 4, Reaches Quarterfinals Without Dropping a Set
The berry, now served at £2.85 a portion after holding its price for 15 years, has beaten three scones and a Pimm’s and is the first fruit to reach the last eight since the seedings began.
Continental Press Service ·
Man Wins Argument at Cookout, Loses Cookout
Walt Brosky correctly established at 3:14 p.m. that most delegates signed the Declaration on Aug. 2, and by 3:40 p.m. the cookout, the grill, and 19 guests had relocated without him.
Continental Press Service ·
Nation’s Dads Issue Joint Statement: ‘We Were Just About to Fix That’
The Father’s Day statement, signed by 61.2 million fathers, addresses 1.4 billion household repairs, the oldest of which has been about to be fixed since 1974.
Continental Press Service ·
White House Fight Night Produces 14 Winners in Seven Fights, as Officials Confirm Losing Was Not Permitted on the South Lawn
Every bout at Sunday’s event ended in a finish, and every fighter in every bout has now been credited with it, a result supporters attributed to the venue.
Continental Press Service ·
Estadio Azteca, Having Hosted Its Third World Cup, Applies to Play in the Fourth
The stadium, which hosted matches in 1970, 1986, and Thursday’s 2-0 opener, submitted a roster made up entirely of seating sections and a goalkeeper described as ’the north end.'
Continental Press Service ·
New Siri, Rebuilt on Google’s Gemini, Subcontracts Every Request and Invoices Users for Timers
In developer testing since Monday’s keynote, a single 10-minute pasta timer passed through four vendors and arrived with an itemized invoice for $0.00, payable within 30 days.
Continental Press Service ·
Department of War, Done Finding ‘Defense’ in 7,600 Federal Laws, Begins Renaming the Nation’s Fences ‘Offences’
After a House committee voted 29-27 to make the name official, the department said its next phase would cover defensive linemen, defense attorneys, and an estimated 41 million backyard fences.
Continental Press Service ·